Cement Plant Road, Santa Cruz County.

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One day when we were ten years old, my twin brother and I set out to hike up to the sign and cover up one of the letters. After a rigorous climb, the ground turned out to be as hard as rock and completely devoid of anything capable of concealing even a square inch of the letter "I".






The Mediterranean Market was a long-time landmark in Carmel, California, located downtown at the northwest corner of Ocean Avenue and Mission Street. While the assortment of exotic, imported foods and the aroma of cheeses and salamis and the sawdust on the wood floors made for an interesting experience, the huge cheese that hung in the window was for me by far the market’s most interesting feature. It was the first thing I noticed about the market when I first moved to Carmel in 1963, and there wasn’t a single time that I walked past the middle arched window on the east side with that huge cheese hanging in it that I didn’t contemplate its age and taste.
Like cheese, cities age too, and on my last visit I found that the Mediterranean Market was no more—replaced by a home furnishings store, much to my chagrin. I couldn’t help but wonder about the fate of that cheese. Where would it go? Was it eaten?
As I always do when I visit Carmel, I looked in on my old high school friend, John Z., who is a third generation Carmelite, and who knows everything about that town. Over lunch, I asked him about the big cheese, and his face lit up (he’s a sentimental fool like me.) He told me that the store owner had retired, but the cheese lives on. After lunch, we walked around the corner, and he pointed to a window on the second floor of the building that once housed the Mediterranean Market. Sure enough, there hung the cheese! I would have never noticed it, even though it had only moved about thirty feet from its long-time home in the window. I’m glad it’s still there.

One day in 1958, when I was ten years old and living with my three brothers in Burbank, California, we decided to ride our bicycles to Hollywood, which was about ten miles or so away. Besides just doing goofy kid things, we checked out Grauman’s Chinese theater, where various movie stars have immortalized themselves since 1920 by putting impressions of their handprints and signatures, and in the case of Jimmy Durante, his nose, in wet concrete. Of course I found riding our bikes in the pedestrian tunnels below the enormous Highland Av/Cahuenga Blvd intersection much more exciting at the time.
Looking back, though, I would have to say the highlight was our good fortune of visiting the Hollywood Bowl. It so happened that The Champs, whose “Tequila” was tops on the charts at the time, was rehearsing for a performance that evening (or perhaps the next evening---I can’t remember), and we had a front row seat . Other than Dick Clark and a few technicians, we had the place to ourselves. What a treat it was to hear their hit song performed for us---I can still hear it as if it was yesterday:

This has been bothering me for 40 years.
When I was receiving tear gas training in Basic Training at Fort Sam Houston, Texas, we were instructed that the command to take off our masks was “all clear”. Okay, that’s reasonable enough. We practiced responding to that command about fifty times (the army doesn't like to leave anyone behind), and then we were driven to an old ramshackle house in the middle of nowhere, where we were to experience tear gas up close and personal.
We were all commanded to don our gas masks, and then in groups of twenty or so, were led into the living room of the old house. We assembled in the living room (yeah, I could tell that once upon a time a family gathered around a radio in this cozy room listening to Fred Allen), where in the middle of the dirt floor was a smoking pile of tear gas pellets. I’ll tell you, looking around the darkened room at this group of men in olive drab uniforms, all of which were wearing helmets and gas masks was off-putting to say the least.
Anyway, the sergeant told us that after we removed our gas masks, we were to shout our name, rank and serial number (which at that time was our Social Security Number---I wonder if they’ve changed that due to the specter of identity theft in today’s world?) and then exit the room via the hallway, which led past the kitchen and bedrooms to the backdoor.
Before I knew it, I heard “ALL CLEAR!” and everyone was removing their masks. But not me. As I could see the billowing clouds of tear gas, I knew very well that it was anything but ‘clear’, so I stood there, not knowing what else to do, while everyone shouted their names, rank and serial numbers.
"Why aren't you removing you mask, Private?" The sergeant shouted.
"Sergeant, you said that it's all clear, and I can see that it isn't."
The sergeant then ordered everyone to exit the house, but pointed at me, and said “but not you.” I could tell from his tone of voice that my immediate future was in the hands of a sadist. After everyone left and I was standing mask to mask with the sergeant, he said “Take off your f*ing mask!” Okay, I understood that, and immediately complied to his order. Then things got a little bizarre.
“Where are you from, troop?” he asked.
“Monterey, California, drill sergeant!” The first whiffs of the gas kinda hit me, but it really wasn’t too bad.
“So” the sergeant asked, “have you ever been to the ‘Guilded Cage’?
I realized that he had once been stationed at Fort Ord, as the Guilded Age was a homosexual bar in downtown Monterey. I also realized that, in a not too subtle way, he was calling me a homosexual , or a Nancy boy, as he believed I was afraid to take off my mask.
I managed to say “no, drill sergeant, that’s not my bag” before getting a huge dose of tear gas in my lungs. I kind of reflexively gasped, but damn it, I would have stood there, in a room full of gas, answering questions until I either passed out (which was a distinct possiblility as each passing second the atmosphere increasingly resembled that of Venus), or I was ordered to leave: I really was a good soldier. To the best of my recollection, he did ask me a few more questions, and then told me to ‘get the f**k outta here’.
As soon as I was outside, my nose and eyes exploded like a cloudburst in the Amazon, and my skin felt like it was on fire. When I got on the bus, all the other wimps (yeah, wimps, they had to deal with less than ten seconds with the gas, while I managed 30 or 40 seconds minimum) were staring at me. I didn’t think of it then, but afterwards, and to this day, I wonder whether they all thought I was a coward, when in actuality, it was merely my instinctual objection to a ridiculous command.
To set the record straight: I wasn't afraid to take off my mask. The order "All Clear" was absurd. I hope the modern army has changed the order (in training) to something like "Remove masks"--something I would have complied with immediately.
On the other hand, the army expects soldiers to obey commands, and in this case, perhaps I was wrong. I do know this: If I could go back in time, I would have removed my mask at the order, and then afterwards suggested to the sergeant a more appropriate command, saving myself a lot of grief, not to mention face.
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